Skip to main content

Letter to My Unknown Wife


Dear Unknown Wife,

Happy VAL. What are you doing today? For me, I will be at work today and battle my colleagues who will be teasing me with the story of Isaac and Rebecca. By this time last year I said I will be celebrating this year’s VAL with you (although don’t really know why I should choose a day to celebrate love when love is a daily affair) I wanted to write a serious and creative letter to you today but I lost ideas on what to write and the kind of work I do doesn’t give me the required chance to be creative. My mind is occupied with giving an opinion on historical cost.

Somehow, this search for you is becoming difficult and uninteresting. Why would I be looking for you as if you don’t exist? Isaac didn’t wait this long for Rebecca to arrive. She just heard about Isaac and climbed her donkey. When she saw Isaac she ran to him. Abeg wetin you dey wait for? Have you not heard about me? You no dey see my swags?

You know what? When I was growing up and watching so many Indian movies, I used to dream of marrying an Indian girl. You know in Indian, it is the lady that proposes to the man. Maybe that’s why I have not proposed to you. Maybe you are an Indian girl and please if you are, kindly come and propose since I have refused to propose. I don’t know your age but whatever it is, time no dey again ooo! Grace and Israel would be wondering what is wrong with mummy and daddy. Before I forget, when did you write them last? I wrote them last on children’s day 2012 and I am kinda ashamed to write again. I promised to find you and I am waiting to write them with the good news. Please if you write them tell them that they should relax before I marry someone that is not their mother and maybe Grace will come to me and Israel will go to you. We need Grace and Israel together and that’s why we need to see ourselves soon. I mean very soon!

I don’t even know what you look like. Oh, maybe I know or have an idea. Before now, when people ask me why I am not married, I will tell them that I have not seen my wife. But I got a new revelation that when I say I have not seen my wife it means that none of the ladies around me qualifies to be my wife. Haba Uma!!! This is wrong. Na queen of the coast I wan marry? Abi na Angel Gold I wan marry? So when Barrister Umoh Udofia and his wife disturb me with why I am not married I will simply tell them that I have not known my wife. Something tells me that I already know you and you know me. Nothing tells me that you are still unknown to me. Maybe I should have written to MY SOON TO BE WIFE and not to MY UNKNOWN WIFE. But seriously, I don’t care about the height, complexion, size or figure. Just be a GOOD WOMAN. Abeg make you no too near ground, make you no too balloon, make you no too charcoal and make you no albino ooo! I no fit shout. I get boil for mouth!!!

See, if you are reading this letter, don’t laugh at me. Trust me with this truth. I will be patient with you in-case there are few things wey your mama no teach you or wey you refused to learn from your mama. E get plenty things wey my papa no teach me self. I will share the little I have with you and also share the much I have with you. Accept this letter as my proposal and just inbox me “YES” so that all these marriage drama go end. I don tire for this script. I want to act something else. Our honeymoon trip, Grace naming, or Israel’s dedication. Something else please and not “when will you marry”? It’s even more annoying when you ask me when I will marry or who the lady is as if you don’t know that you are the one.

Yesterday Frekky Andy challenged me that I should not come to IFUNANYA alone. For your information I will be going for our annual Valentine dinner by 6pm tonight at Jesus House. Jesus House is at Aba road opposite Shell gate (I don’t work with Shell ooo) near CIWA second artillery Port Harcourt, in-case you are in Port Harcourt then you can come there. I will be putting on a black suit and a white-ash strip shirt with a red tie. Please don’t wait until you see me with jeep before you come because I will be very confused by then.

I wish you get this message and reply me soon. In fact, you need to change your prayer points because I don’t know the type of prayers you are praying. Tell God to open my eyes, so that I will see you before the end of this month. We need to do this thing sharp sharp. You never tire for singlehood? I know the ball is in my court to find you but I don’t know what to do again. I will be praying but you need to pray more. I hope to write you again soon. But before then, stay focus and don’t be distracted. I no wan hear say you follow one Rusty-Dusty-Fellow ooo!
Yours in Love,

Ota Uma Uma Benjamin
14/02/2013

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

HOW THEY ALMOST WASTED MY LIFE IN LAGOS

This thing called life. On this edition of Everyday People I am talking about the story of a young life that would have been carelessly truncated. But God saved his Unique Life. Yes! This Life is Unique! It is Unique because of you. There is no other you. No where in this whole life. Yes Uniqueness. That’s what I am talking about? What makes a life unique is what the individual is. What attracts people or a market to you is that niche that distinguishes you from others. What is your unique selling point (USP)? There must be something you should be known for. I don’t know what it is but you have to think about it and create that uniqueness for yourself. What are you ready to be known for? What did Jesus die for? What did the apostles of old die for? What did Martin Luther die for? What did Ghandi die for? What did Idahosa die for? What is Adeboye living for? What does Oyedepo exist for? What is Kumuyi preaching for? The list is endless. What is Dr. Omalu sacrificing for

WHEN WAHALA JAM GBESE! Final Episode!

My People for this Community! How una dey? Last week we started a story on Everyday People and we promised to finish the story this week.  In continuation of the story, below are the extracts from episode one: “I am saying WHEN WAHALA JAM GBESE NA PALAVA E GO GET! The problem became so much that even the neighbors became so uncomfortable with the whole arrangement. This trouble is worst anytime the Man and his wife made love in the night. Our aunty R will always pick a quarrel with the wife of the house. The most painful part is that this man will just disappear leaving the two women to dig it out with themselves. If you were in the shoes of this wife what would you do? Will you allow aunty R to squat with your family in the first instance? Will you ask your husband to drive his sister away? Will you fight your sister-in-law out of the house? Will you start a prayer program for aunty R? Will, you just allow everything to pass and hope for #BetterDaysAhead?”

FALLEN

Our Land was pure. The grass was green. Our Water was clean. The leaves could cure. We drank from the stream With leaves bridged to the rock as cups. As we laved our body under the heavy drops, Our body needed no cream. We were at peace The Palm wine tasted like honey. The village square was our group chat. Words were strong and laughter from the heart. Love was not bought with money. Our Farms yielded with interest. We had enough to eat and ship. Our eyes are closed when we sleep. We worked, worked and had our rest. We were not at war Our Merchants traveled South, West and North. With products of trade for exchange of coins. Women were married not just for groins. Deals were made, no one was fought. Then came the experts with hats and guns. They took our lands and made us Roomers. They deceived our neighbors and made us brothers. Our rights were taken and we became their puns. We were just neighbours They joined No